i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I want a musical about memes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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