she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
