I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize