Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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