he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
