I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
