I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
