Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he thought i was a dude.
and she was petting her beer can
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize