508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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