I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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