the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
