for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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