Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
