Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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