we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
