All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
