whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
