i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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