I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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