Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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