the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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