shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
