I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
