i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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