Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize