I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize