his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
