It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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