I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize