But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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