we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
