the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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