Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
