pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't think brook has ever known best
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
