Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize