so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
