Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
