worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
