im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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