i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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