John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
