you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
