this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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