Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
