She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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