nutella sex= disaster
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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