you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
