Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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