last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
