So drunk its hurt
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
