she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
thus making me awesome and them whores
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
