know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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