I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
