I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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