You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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