Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can I color on your dick again?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
