He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
