i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My feet surprised me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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