i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
