Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
