My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
