we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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