it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
