The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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