College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
