It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
bring money and cleavage
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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